Year 2 Inspirations

I am sitting alone in a pub downtown having some other random BC brewery beer and it's delightful. I've just bought 4 albums at HMV I'm trying to get through listening before work:

1. The Listening - Lights
2. Brand New Eyes - Paramore
3. Kaleidoscope - Tiësto
4. Vancouver - Matthew Good

Here are some one sentence reviews:
The Listening by Lights I am completely in love with... which could be largely due to all of the music I've ever written sounding quite similar to her style. Brand New Eyes by Paramore I'm kind of disappointed in, having loved their last two albums I feel they kind of sold out on this one to the Billy-Talent-Pop-Punk genre and it's not bad, it just doesn't feel heartfelt. Vancouver by Matthew Good I bought because I'm obviously a long time fan and he's been inspiring me musically since I was 12 years old, and I kind of thought I wouldn't even really like it, but I'm on track 9: 'The Vancouver National Anthem" and every song has really kind of impressed me because it's new yet not completely raw and I feel like he's building on top of his career and the music is great , I love it! I haven't got to Kaleidoscope by Tiesto yet, but I bought it because while I kind of feel like Tiesto has already surpassed the height of his career, being able to feature so many artists strictly because of his epicness, I'm not sure this album could go wrong.

I started Year 2 of school yesterday, I'm on a Monday - Saturday schedule 7:30am - 11pm daily. Sunday's I'll hopefully be able to keep off. I had a week off to relax and do nothing last week in Victoria. I spent it with a good friend and two little Pomeranian puppies, one 6 months, one 7 weeks old and it was exactly what I needed. I wrote 4 songs I am so excited to record and produce and I'm positive they will be better than anything I've done so far.

While I have a couple other songs to mix on Wednesday, and Thursday, I start producing my own music on Saturday morning.

It's going to be a great year, and probably my hardest working year yet... but, I kind of feel that I grew up a lot this summer. I have a very good grip on reality, and am confident in who I am as a person and musician, though I may not be a great musician I know where I stand and what my strong and weak points are.

I'm excited for the next 11 weeks. After that, Barbados for two..

The Listening

I'll start by saying today I almost dropped out of school and gave up on myself.

So I listen to Light's song 'The Listening" for the first time because I'm subscribed to her channel on YouTube and YouTube is my homepage and it was the first thing I saw when I got home.

After a really long miserable day... week... month... summer... I didn't really give a shit about anything and was just frustrated and ready to go to bed. I had been angry at school, and petty things all day, and called my mom earlier because my own anger scared me a bit. And she did did exactly what mom's do best. She listened and told me she loved me and believed in me and just to do the very best I can... which I am... and I was at work on a break so I didn't cry and I even smiled for a couple hours but starting again:

After a really long miserable day, I was exhausted and click on the link to listen to the listening, open a new tab, and check my facebook, hotmail, etc, and the first line made me burst into tears.

"Please excuse me, I'm not thinking clear
It must just be stress
But I likely shouldn't be here, I'm such a mess"

It was one of those times where every word in the song felt like it was written specifically for me and my situation.

It's rare I fall in love with a song the first time I hear it, or get shivers down my back and goosebumps from it, or get completely lost in it like I've left the planet, and to feel so extremely sad yet uplifted afterwards. I've never cried during the first line of a song because it did all of that to me.



Just needed to share it with the world. I'm buying her album after I take my last exam of the term on Thursday. Pass or fail I deserve a treat and a break.

Your Earth is Murdered

In the rain
But the lake I'm on is sinking
Washed away
Only by the blood I'm drinking
Gasp for air
But all of it is leaking through the
Atmosphere
I'm already dead

Struggling
You are crawling towards me
Promising
More days of glory
Jesus saves
He cuts another rail of cocaine
And laughs at you
As he watches me suck the life outta you

You sold your soul to me
Years ago when you told me that you want me
God is sitting down beside me
Drinking down is sorrows as he
Watches his people trying to save themselves
Through lies and stealing and causing doubt

He's given up
Your world is mine
I am the devil
Your god. It's time.

I've actually gone insane

Today I had a few events that shook my world when it really shouldn't have been shaken... like a snow-globe with a crack in it just waiting for the stupid fucking toddler to pick it up and bang it around.

Today I had thoughts I've put away for years come back as if they were new ideas and I scared the shit out of myself.

Today I woke up from a a very life like dream I was convinced was real and wonderful.

Today I woke up to zombies. I shit you not. I actually woke up to zombies.

My reality has turned into dreams, and my nightmares into life.

I'm terrified, miserable, and completely fucking thrilled and sad to go to bed because I know where my reality was supposed to lead me but didn't.

It's in my dreams tonight.

Rainy Monday

"Rainy Monday"
(by Shiny Toy Guns)

I don't mind
You're someone who ain't mine
But someone that I'll get
And you don't know how
Hard I've tried
To convince myself that I
Can easily forget

But you left this feeling
Here inside me
One that never fails to find me...

On a rainy Monday
I feel it inside me
Like the days of summer
On a rainy Monday
I feel it inside me
In the hopes of one day...

I won't lie
I still can't say that I
Admit we went too far
And you won't see me change my mind
But I really wish that I
Could forget the way you are

But you left this feeling here inside me
The battle in my mind still fights me

On a rainy Monday
I feel it inside me
Like the days of summer
On a rainy Monday
I feel it inside me
In the hopes of one day...

I can see that you're not beside me
But I still feel you shine inside of me


On a rainy Monday
I feel it inside me
Like the days of summer
On a rainy Monday
I feel it inside me
In the hopes of one day...

Twilight

It's not even 11am and I've craked a Rockstar Vodka for the Hell of it. I'm on the ferry going back Vancouver, and it's sunny and gorgeous. Fucking figures. My only day off this week, being yesterday, it rained all day.

Not a bad day though, Craig and Mandy drove me out to Port Renfrew... well that's where we ended up anyways, We were originally on our way to Cowichan Lake, and then we took a backroad to the west side of the island. Port Renfrew and its raininess reminded me of the town that Twilight takes place in. Except this may have been smaller. I'm not a Twilight fan. The story is OKAY and the romance ideas are OKAY but the hype about it could be made about any romance story and nothing really strikes me as special about this story imparticular. That being said, after the town reminded of the Twilight town I had little things remind me of the movie all day long... the diner we stopped in to eat lunch at, Mandy and Craig's puppy Bella, the entire series on Mandy's bookshelf, and this girl who kept messaging Craig named "Twilight Princess'.

When I went to bed, I dreamt a simililar story, only, I met this boy who was really cute with bright blue eyes, kind of pale and skinny and NOT GREASY, sexy blonde hair but cute anyways. He was very romantic and completely selfless and he said he loved me, but he wouldn't date me. I fell hopelessly in love with him anyways.

So one night I went to surprise him at his house and the door was locked like no one was home. I had a flashlight with me, and so, like the creep I am, went around back shining the light in through the windows, until I looked into the basement window and saw not a sexy vampire as I had kind of expected, but an ugly fucking zombie eating a dogs brain out. It saw me and I screamed and started running and it came out of the house shrieking and chasing me.

Eventually, as my knees do in my dreams when I'm being chased, my knees turned to rubber and I fell to the ground and the zombie tackled me and threw me on my back, straddling me and held my arms out to the ground. I looked up at it's ugly, wrinkled, red eyed zombie face and it recognized me and turned back into the beautiful boy I had fallen for and he was in such shock and suddenly got all emo, saying, "See? This is why I can't date you!"

I'm not going to lie, I was pissed.

I got up, kicked him in the shins, and walked home with no intention of ever talking to him again.

Vampires have some sex appeal, but brain eating zombies? Really? FML

I wouldn't talk to him for a really long time. He sent me flowers, and romantic songs he had
written (oh yeah, he was also a rockstar... that lived in a small town... but he played a mean guitar).

One day, while I was drunk and climbing cliffs in the woods, which really isn't very imaginitive since I actually do that all the time), I slipped and went to pull myself up and there was a wolf right by my hand growling at me. Not a werewolf, just a normal pretty one... but I've been having nightmares about the big bad wolf since I was two so it was only natural that my zombie dream turn into a nightmare. But my zombie boy came out of nowhere with his super stregnth and took out the wolf which fell down the cliff to it's doom.

He went to help me up, and pulled me really close to him, and because I was drunk we totally made out.

I was still upset he was a gross zombie though and I tried to get him to be a vegetarian with me but he couldn't fight his undead like urges to eat brain. Ew.

So I refused to sleep with him until he gave up eating brains and he really tried hard, and through all this, we grew closer and closer together and further in love.

He invited me on his world tour with him and his band and I was pretty stoked to tag along.
The morning we were supposed to leave and fly to Paris, where the tour started, I got sick and threw up all over the bathroom. I took a pregnancy test and it read positive.

I was like, uh oh.

I ran to Shopper's Drug Mart and grabbed two more, and when I got home, they both tested positive.

I started panicking, oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no and I started crying in the bathroom, and sweet, sexy zombie boy comes in and holds me and asks what's the matter?

"I'm pregnant, I'm going to have a baby."

He looks at me kind of quizically, then stands up. "You dumb whore! You are so not coming on tour with me. We're done"

Then, I remember we totally haven't slept together and I know exactly who this baby belongs to and I light up a cigarette and say "God damn it."

Then I woke up.